I have had many non-Christian people ask me how a “loving” God could ask me to fear Him. That the bible is full of commandments to fear Him. They passionately explain to me how this cannot possibly be something a “loving” father would do to their child. Most of these people are from broken homes, or abusive pasts. Since I too suffered from an abusive history I understand their resistance to anyone telling them they have to fear them.
Let me explain the psychology behind this. The number one thing that abuse creates is rebellion. It will manifest itself in one form or another. Some turn to drugs, alcohol or sexual promiscuity. Others fighting, lying, or stealing. Still others abuse others, repeating the cycle that was perpetrated on them. The conduct is a way of numbing themselves from the pain that they are feeling, but it is also a way of striking out at the people who hurt them.
It is usually their parents or parental figures who did the damage. Children look to their parents for nurturing and love. They give their parents their love naturally and expect it to be reciprocated. When it is not they, first blame themselves for being bad human beings because obviously there must be something wrong with them because why else would their parent or parents reject them? Secondly, they start to act out in an effort to hurt back or rebel against the pain they are feeling. This is often not a conscious premeditated reaction. No, little Susie does not decide, “I think I will go out and have sex with every other guy in town so I can show Mom and Dad how much I resent them not validating my love for them!” No, in actuality she would probably be mortified if she knew that was the real reason why she was behaving like that.
It took me a very long time to realize that so much of my behavior and destructive cycles were because of the neglect and abuse I had suffered in my past. I had to humble myself and admit why I was behaving the way I was. It has been a long, painful road to recovery and honestly I am still trudging down it everyday I get a little closer to healing.
So, to get back to what I was originally addressing. For many of these people the term “Fear of God” was used while they were being abused. Such as “I’ll put the fear of God in you!” while the belt or electric cord or board or whatever else, was being used to beat the child by the adult, was coming down. There are no positive connotations for this person with this analogy. This adult has misused God’s name for his or her own evil purposes and will have to deal with God about that some day.
You see the bible does speak about fearing God, but when it does it is speaking about respecting God and His power. Like we respect the power of electricity. Think about it. If you were washing dishes and you needed to plug something in, would you reach over and grab the cord with your hands sopping wet and put it into the outlet? Of course, not! Why? Because you “fear” or respect the power that electricity has. You know that with wet hands and an electrical outlet there is a very real chance that you would get zapped. You would dry your hands off first because you respect (fear) getting shocked.
This is the same translation we should be using when we think of the word fear in the bible when related to God. Let’s look at a few scriptures and switch out the word fear for respect just for an example. I’ll use the Psalms because it is full of just such verses. I will put respect in parenthesis so you can see where I switched fear for respect.
Who, then, is the man that “respects” the Lord? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. Psalm 25:12
The Lord confides in those who “respect” Him; He make His covenant known to them. Psalm 25:14
Let all the earth “respect” the Lord; let all the people of the world revere Him. Psalm 33:8
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who “respect” Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love, Psalm 33:18
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who “respect” Him, and He deliver them, Psalm 34:7
“Respect” the Lord, you His saints, for those who “respect” Him lack nothing. Psalm 34:9
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the “respect” of the Lord. (or to respect the Lord) Psalm 34:11
Who knows the power of Your anger? For Your wrath is as great as the “respect” that is due You. Psalm 90:11
And now a few from Proverbs to finish out my point…
Do not be wise in your own eyes; “respect” the Lord and shun evil. Proverbs 3:7
The “respect” of the Lord adds length to life, but the years of the wicked are cut short. Proverbs 10:27
A wise man “respects” the Lord and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. Proverbs 14:16
He who “respects” the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. Proverbs 14:26
The “respect” of the Lord is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death. Proverbs 14:27
Better a little with the “respect” of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil. Proverbs 15:16
The “respect” of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33
Needless to say, there are so many others, but I am sure that you get the point. Try it for yourself. Read through the scriptures, if you don’t have a bible borrow one, and trade the word fear when it is used in relation to our interaction with God with respect and see if you sense something a bit different.
God does not want us to FEAR Him, He wants us to respect Him as any good parent would. Respect is not something you automatically get, but you earn by showing how much you love and respect the person first. If God sending Jesus here to suffer and then die such a horrific death for us was not evidence of His love for us and the fact that He deserves our respect I’m not sure what is.
He created us to love Him and each other, and that has been corrupted by Satan. It has been warped but that doesn’t mean it can’t be straightened back out. We just have to seek Him and He’ll show us how. How do I know, the bible tells me so.
