Relationships with Ourselves

Why is the most difficult thing in life relationships?  I have pondered this question on a number of occasions.  Life is made up of them, that is why.  That's the answer I have come to.  Whether they are positive or negative, it is impossible to live without them.  We even have a relationship with ourselves, so becoming a hermit and avoiding people wouldn't help either.

The key is how to have a successful relationship.  It must be based on positive interactions.  What ends up happening is, all we do is based on our relationship with guess who?  Ourselves.  That relationship can be enhanced or decreased based on our relationship with God.  This is not something that can be put to the side, and dealt with outside of day to day events.  God needs to be in everything we do.  If we want to have a better relationship with ourselves, we have to cultivate our relationship with Him.  By doing this we are able to see ourselves through His eyes, and not the world's.  In this, even in this, we must ask for His help.

Think about it, your ideas about yourself, where did you get them from?  Most people it was from their parents.  If they nurtured your individuality, than you were truly blessed.  For most of us, our parents did not do this, they tried to turn us into miniatures of themselves.  This is not a evil plot on their part, it is just how they were treated, so they pass it on.  Trying to form us into something they could relate to and understand.  From parent to child, to parent to child.  The Bible refers to this behavior as a "generational curse".  It is something that is passed on from one generation to the next, and has a negative effect.

It has taken me 47 years to become the person God created me to be over 47 years ago.  To turn off all the negative influencing that I received because I was not what others wanted me to be.  I have finally been able to turn off the voices inside my head and listen to that still small voice that has been speaking to me my entire life.  He tells me I am beautifully and wonderfully made.  That I am mysteriously knit together.  Though He knows, I do not, the things that He has in store for me.  I need only hold on to the fact that His plan is to bless me, not to curse me.  Unlike my earthly parents, he is not trying to change me into His image so that He can better understand me.  He is changing me so that I can be fully blessed by what He created, originally.

Because of Jesus, I know that I am not a failure, or a flake, or a loser.  Bad things have happened to me in my life, as they do everyone.  It rains on the good and the bad.  The sinner and the saint.  My original relationship with me caused me to see myself as something inherently bad.  That these things happened because there was something wrong with me.  Men mistreated and abused me because I deserved it.   God has shown me that this is not true.  I am what He created me to be.  I'm extremely empathetic, I feel what others feel.  Unfortunately, this makes me very susceptible to becoming a fixer.  It causes me to put myself into relationships that tear me down, instead of building me up.  I "sacrifice" myself trying to make everyone's hurts go away.

When I read the Bible I find that this is not the way Jesus worked.  He was an empath as well of course, He's God.  Yet, He did not try to help people who didn't want to be helped.  People too prideful to admit that their relationship with themselves, the world, and ultimately Him was askew.  I am sure He knew the story behind each Pharisee that challenged Him.  He could have healed their hurts, but they never asked.

Look at Matthew 16:1, "Now the Pharisees and Sadducees came up to Jesus, and they asked Him to show them a sign (spectacular miracle) from heaven [attesting His divine authority].

You see, they didn't ask Him for healing or forgiveness.  No, they wanted Him to prove that He was the Christ.  Jesus saw into their hearts and knew their condition, verse 4 has Him replying to their challenge of His authority, "A wicked and morally unfaithful generation craves a sign..."  This is direct contrast to what He said to those He helped.

Time and again, every one of the people He helped He told them it was their faith that made them able to receive their desire.  They didn't ask for a sign, they asked for help.  They had a relationship with their own psyche, that said I need help.  I am weak and unable to do this for myself.  It doesn't make me a bad person or a failure.  This is just a situation in my life that is bigger than my ability to deal with it.  Jesus has the ability so I am going to get help from Him.

In our relationships with ourselves, we need help.  We need to ask God to reveal what is wrong in our hearts that is keeping us from having a great relationship with Him.  His grace is sufficient, because it covers everything that could possible be in error in ourselves.  It is how Paul was able to live with little or plenty and never change his opinion of himself.  What he had did not equal what he was.  As Joyce Meyer says, he was able to separate his who from his do.

Who do you see yourself as?  What are you measuring your self-worth by?  Jesus or the world?   This is why we must take time out as Jesus did each day to reconnect with our Creator.  He will keep us on the right path, the narrow path that leads to righteousness.  Once you have that understood, you will be able to move into the next realm of your relationship with others.  There are no shortcuts in this, it takes time, prayer, meditation, and study of His Word.  Then and only then will you be able to "honestly" be able to build the relationships around you.

Father,
We know that nothing is impossible for you.  If we only ask, You are faithful to reveal to us Your original plan for our lives.  This starts with our relationship with You and ourselves.  Help us to see ourselves through Your eyes, and blank out all the negative input.  Help us to restore our minds to the original factory setting.  Your original design.  We know that this is possible through Your hand moving in our lives as we permit.  Give us the strength, Your strength to do this.


In Jesus name,
Amen